Capslock
by smokingace
Summary: The one where Lavi and Kanda are in high school and have AIM messenger to talk about such very important things. High School AU series.


**Title:** CAPSLOCK

**Pairing:** Lavi/Kanda, Allen, Lenalee

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** DGM belongs to Hoshino Katsura et al (and I do not own AIM or urban dictionary)

**A/N: **A modern day high school AU, written messenger style; cowritten with cesia on LJ.

&

[Tuesday, for Tuesday is the start of the war]

**kanda_not_yuu is available **(4:56 PM)

**thebookthief**: YO YUU. FINISH YOUR GEOMETRY YET?

**kanda_not_yuu**: Of course I did. Why do you need to know?

**thebookthief**: Y-YOU'RE FAST

**kanda_not_yuu**: I was being sarcastic. I just got home, you idiot.

**thebookthief**: i still got a whole chapter to memorize. MAN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A BRAIN.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I keep wondering if you do...

**thebookthief**: i

**thebookthief**: i knew that

**kanda_not_yuu**: knew what

**thebookthief**: nuttin

**thebookthief**: btw WUT'S UP WITH YOUR SN

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...there's nothing up with it. What?

**thebookthief**: OKAY. THEN WUT'S DOWN WITH IT, CUZ FRANKLY MY FRIEND, IT SUCKS BALLS D:

**kanda_not_yuu**: It does not. It's not your business anyway

**thebookthief**: well, if i hafta look at it

**thebookthief**: REALLY, YUU, YOU NEVER LEARN

**thebookthief**: so anyway, let's talk usernames

**kanda_not_yuu**: then don't look at it

**kanda_not_yuu**: do you _have_ to use capslock all the time?

**kanda_not_yuu**: why?

**thebookthief**: YES. ARE YOU INVITING ME OVER IN THAT VAIR VAIR SECRETIVE WAY YOU DO.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not inviting you ANYwhere.

**thebookthief**: WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO THE USERNAME MADE OF FAIL

**thebookthief**: IT DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK TO ME

**thebookthief**: IT _SHOULD_ SAY 'LAVI, I WANT YOU'

**thebookthief**: BUT IT DOESN'T

**kanda_not_yuu**: why should it. it---------- definitely not the purpose of it

**kanda_not_yuu**: It's a USERNAME, Lavi, nothing else

**thebookthief**: must i show you the definition of a username, yuu?

**thebookthief**: urbandictionary .com / define. php?term =username

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**kanda_not_yuu**: Do you need me to remind you every single day that you're annoying? Bloody annoying by the way.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not basing my username on something you found on _urban dictionary._

**thebookthief**: WUT. WE LIVE IN AN URBAN AREA. WUT'S THE DIFF, YO.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...you're the only one not seeing it

**kanda_not_yuu**: Stop talking to me, i'm trying to concentrate on working

**thebookthief**: lemme see~

**kanda_not_yuu**: what for. you have the same homework, and you HARDLY need any help

**thebookthief**: i just wanna see if you did it right

**thebookthief**: :D

**thebookthief**: OH HOW BOUT 'YUUTEHSUCK'

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...i'm not showing my homework to yo--------NO

**thebookthief**: WUT. WUT'S WRONG WITH IT.

**thebookthief**: or thekankanman?

**thebookthief**: LAVI APPROVED BB

**thebookthief**: WAIT. I GOT IT.

**thebookthief**: THE ULTIMATE.

**thebookthief**: FIGHTING.

**thebookthief**: CHAMPION.

**thebookthief**: ask me what it is

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (5:46 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: yuu

**kanda_not_yuu**: what

**thebookthief**: nvm

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (5:53 PM)

&

[Wednesday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (4:05 PM)

**thebookthief**: YUU

**thebookthief**: YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...yes?

**thebookthief**: DID YOU DO YOUR FRENCH HW YET

**thebookthief**: I'M HAVING A SPOT OF TROUBLE WITH THIS ONE FORMAL WORD, FOR YOU

**thebookthief**: i was thinking YUUDIEHARD

**thebookthief**: that sounds a lot better, don'tcha think?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....that's ridiculous. Stop trying to get me to change it, you moron.

**thebookthief**: but

**kanda_not_yuu**: But what

**thebookthief**: BUT

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...BUT WHAT

**thebookthief**: BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T PRACTICE SWORDS WITH YOU ANYMORE

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....you suck at that.

**kanda_not_yuu**: It wouldn't be a loss.

**kanda_not_yuu is away** (4:11 PM)

**thebookthief**: YUU

**Auto-response: kanda_not_yuu is away** (4:12 PM)

KANDA TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF.

**thebookthief**: YUU

**Auto-response: kanda_not_yuu is away** (4:13 PM)

KANDA TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF.

**thebookthief**: KANDA

**thebookthief**: COME BACK

**thebookthief**: ELSE I WON'T PRATICE BARE HANDS WITH YOU ANYMORE

**thebookthief**: if ya know what i mean

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (4:47 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: get your eyes checked, Lavi. That is all.

**kanda_not_yuu is offline** (4:48 PM)

&

[Thursday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (6:00 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...you missed a class today. You never miss a class.

**thebookthief**: YUU

**thebookthief**: uh

**thebookthief**: is this really yuu.

**kanda_not_yuu**: that joke is getting old.

**thebookthief**: HA. so not fallin for it this time. remember last time, when i thought it was you, but it was -

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: ah fuck.

**kanda_not_yuu**: what the hell are you going on about?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: hey, did you take one of my pens? i'm missing my favorite one.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Answer me

**kanda_not_yuu**: I didn't take any of your pens. you're avoiding the question.

**thebookthief**: BUT I NEED THAT PEN. I USE IT FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...I said I didn't take it. Go ask someone else.

**thebookthief**: now i will just have to tell miss lilbabycakes that my english draft just can't get done. ah poo.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Stop avoiding the question!

**thebookthief**: ooo somebody's cranky today. you looked pretty happy at lunch. didn't they have the soba special today?

**thebookthief**: I KNOW THEY DID. CUZ IT WAS VAIR VAIR GOOD.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Lavi.

**kanda_not_yuu**: That has nothing to do with what I want to know.

**thebookthief**: AND ON THE SUBJECT OF GOOD, IT IS AGAIN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION HOW UNWORLDLY YOUR SN IS.

**thebookthief**: unsightly, i might add.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**kanda_not_yuu**: Why did you imply someone else was using my account?

**thebookthief**: WELL

**thebookthief**: UH

**thebookthief**: i thought i was talking to YOU, but. yuu. ARE YOU CHEATIN ON ME BRO.

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....what?

**kanda_not_yuu**: Would you mind explaining your stupid incoherent babble?

**thebookthief**: LENA.

**thebookthief**: SHE WAS OVER THERE.

**thebookthief**: she likes ya, ya think~?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**kanda_not_yuu**: I don't see why this is a problem.

**kanda_not_yuu**: And she's my childhood acquaintance. You KNOW this.

**thebookthief**: acquaintance. I LOVE THAT WORD DON'T YOU?

**thebookthief**: thing is, she also agreed that your username is a bit wonky

**thebookthief**: SO WE GOT TO DISCUSSING IT

**kanda_not_yuu**: ..........

**thebookthief**: and.

**thebookthief**: well, one thing led to another...

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...what did you do?

**thebookthief**: :D

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: WELL THIS WAS WHEN I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOU

**thebookthief**: I MEAN, WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE HER

**thebookthief**: OIDK

**kanda_not_yuu**: ............

**thebookthief**: ANYWAY

**kanda_not_yuu**: TELL ME

**thebookthief**: no way~

**kanda_not_yuu**: then why flaunting it in the first place? Get lost

**thebookthief**: but

**thebookthief**: BUT

**thebookthief**: yuu, play nice

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: for someone who's such an acquaintance, she sure can put on a show

**thebookthief**: JUST SAYIN IS ALL

**thebookthief**: i think she likes ya~

**kanda_not_yuu**: whatever

**thebookthief**: you should like her back. it'd be good for ya.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Would you start talking about something relevant before I go do something more productive

**thebookthief**: so you admit talking to me is productive now, do ya.

**thebookthief**: because for it to be more productive, it must first be productive.

**thebookthief**: and thus, you and i could produce a lot of decent babies~

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (7:01 PM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: ........................................i'm ending this conversation now

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(7:02 PM)

&

[Friday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (4:00 PM)

**thebookthief**: YUUUUUUUUUUUUU

**kanda_not_yuu**: What?

**thebookthief**: anyway, as i was saying yesterday BEFORE YOU SIGNED OFF YOU PRAT

**thebookthief**: i told lenalee you should be LORDOFTHESWORD

**thebookthief**: CUZ THAT'S COOL

**thebookthief**: RIGHT?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: YA KNOW? LIKE LORD OF THE DANCE?

**thebookthief**: but OF COURSE you have no idea what i'm talkin about

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....why should I even?

**thebookthief**: no. i'm just smart like that~

**kanda_not_yuu**: lol

**thebookthief**: w-wut

**thebookthief**: ARE YOU BEIN SARCASTIC AGAIN YUU

**thebookthief**: CUZ

**thebookthief**: IT'S SCARY

**kanda_not_yuu**: I was using your stupid ... what is it, chat language against you.

**thebookthief**: / brb TTLY OFF TO HANDLE THIS IN MY OWN WAY BECAUSE HIS BEST FRIEND HAS JUST LOST IT

**thebookthief**: LOST IT

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not your best friend.

**thebookthief**: / brb GONNA GO CURE MY UTTERLY BROKEN HEART

**kanda_not_yuu**: You're pathetic

**thebookthief**: well, you're a

**thebookthief**: you're a

**thebookthief**: ... / brb CONSULTING ALLEN :DDD

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**kanda_not_yuu**: is the moyashi there

**thebookthief**: oho~ so you care~

**thebookthief**: YES. AND HE'S EATIN ALL MY FOOD

**thebookthief**: okay. OKAY. he says that you are a

**thebookthief**: hey pretty face

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**kanda_not_yuu**: who is talking

**thebookthief**: certainly not your unbestfriend

**thebookthief**: he's sobbing over his taco shells

**thebookthief**: i don't know why *n*

**thebookthief**: i just ate five of them

**thebookthief**: with uummm all the toppings in the fridge. it was very yummy

**thebookthief**: oh! lavi told me to tell you that i had told him to tell you that you are a serious twit who needs a lot of, um, lovies to get by in this world. but! you don't want lovies, do you? and! he says that likes your

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (4:50 PM)

**thebookthief**: OH DON'T PAY MIND TO THE BRAT, YUU. HE DIDN'T MEAN A THING OF IT.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....I'm not amused

**thebookthief**: well i am. he won't stop eating my salsa now. HE'S DRINKING IT. WTF.

**thebookthief**: and he wonders why his stomach hurts all the damn time

**kanda_not_yuu**: why should I care?

**thebookthief**: you're around him half the time. admit it, he amuses you too

**kanda_not_yuu**: No. he's just annoying.

**thebookthief**: oh, BTW, he says you sh

**thebookthief**: SHOULD be called yuusagi. THAT would be kewl. plus, it's a taste of your

**thebookthief**: sorry sorry again. he keeps hijacking the keyboard.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**kanda_not_yuu**: I could just close the chat and ignore you idiots.

**thebookthief**: or maybe you should just come over?

**thebookthief**: Y/Y?

**kanda_not_yuu**: NO

**thebookthief**: WE CAN PLAY TRIVIA OR SOMETHIN

**thebookthief**: hey, i'll let you win this time~

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....I'm not interested

**thebookthief**: not even in a boardgame?

**thebookthief**: YUU. WHY DO YOU SURPRISE ME LIKE THIS.

**thebookthief**: oh, allen wants to play poker.

**thebookthief**: he'll let you win this round~

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not playing anything with that idiot.

**thebookthief**: he says you did not hesitate to play with him in gym

**thebookthief**: wait. he says you kicked him. yuu. WHY WOULD YOU KICK POOR PIGGY ALLEN.

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....

**thebookthief**: oh wait. he says you kicked his ass. nvm then.

**kanda_not_yuu**: isn't it obvious.

**thebookthief**: NO~

**thebookthief**: ELABORATE PLS~

**kanda_not_yuu**: It was a practice session for class, shut up

**thebookthief**: this makes me wonder what kinda practice

**thebookthief**: allen says he doesn't wanna talk about it. wait - awwww, his butt is bruised, he says.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....it was martial arts. Anything else he says is stupid.

**kanda_not_yuu**: He sucks at it.

**thebookthief**: oh, poor child, at least hekasdfjals

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: BAKANDA.

**kanda_not_yuu**: What.

**kanda_not_yuu**: You do.

**thebookthief**: I CAN'T EVEN SIT ON THE TOILET WITHOUT IT HURTING

**thebookthief**: aahhh YUU DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. HE CAN SIT ON THE TOILET FINE.

**kanda_not_yuu**: that's not my problem.

**thebookthief**: not that i would know.

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....I don't want to know about that!

**thebookthief**: wait. gotta get the door~

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: guess who's here~

**kanda_not_yuu**: No.

**thebookthief**: oh, allen says i can borrow his *n* face

**thebookthief**: so i am!

**thebookthief**: *n* kanda, that's not very nice. it's me, lenalee.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Hn.

**thebookthief**: hn to you too. i'm over here to hang out. wanna come over too?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...no.

**thebookthief**: lavi's tried asking you, but you are the same dimwit i've known for ages.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...

**thebookthief**: lavi really wants you to come over. i'm not sure why... exactly...

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'm not interested in his schemes

**thebookthief**: i would hardly call this a scheme, really

**thebookthief**: it's more like soba. i thought you liked that.

**thebookthief**: *claps* he's making blueberry muffins too!

**thebookthief**: what? oh, lavi says to tell you that, oh really, you should change your username again

**thebookthief**: but i will not repeat what allen said. did you know he knows some colorful language?? it's _ghastly_. he said something in our european history class the other day that made the teacher send him to the principle. it must have been really embarrassing for him.

**thebookthief**: oh dear lord, sometimes i feel like such a mother to

**thebookthief**: HEYYYYY BAKANDAAAAA

**thebookthief**: come over, pls.

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....no.

**thebookthief**: this is allen, just so you don't confuse me with lena.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I don't _want_ to.

**kanda_not_yuu**: And I don't doubt your stupid language anywhere

**thebookthief**: oh really.

**thebookthief**: *n*

**thebookthief**: so this is what you think of me?

**thebookthief**: i'm gonna go eat some more then. i'm going to get big and fat! that way, i can sit on you and squash you. ugh!

**kanda_not_yuu**: .........you're hilarious, Walker.

**thebookthief**: yuu, it's me again

**thebookthief**: walk - i mean, allen is really taking it hard

**kanda_not_yuu**: so?

**kanda_not_yuu**: I doubt it.

**thebookthief**: he's eating my CINNABONS

**thebookthief**: AAAAHHHH

**thebookthief**: MY BUNS

**thebookthief**: MY BUNS

**kanda_not_yuu**: if you have nothing more important to talk about, shut up.

**thebookthief**: lenalee's tryin to keep him from eating the tupperware too. he's a right mess, yeah.

**kanda_not_yuu**: and stop wasting my time-

**thebookthief**: great. now he's saying how you've made him into a hog.

**thebookthief**: which is a lie, but anyway.

**thebookthief**: SO YEAH. COME OVER.

**thebookthief**: WE'LL PLAY THAT SAMURAI GAME YOU LIKE TO PLAY IN BED. HOW BOUT IT.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...................................................................................................................

**kanda_not_yuu**: Do not. Talk. About that.

**thebookthief**: SO.

**thebookthief**: BEFORE I GOTTA ANSWER THE DOOR AGAIN

**thebookthief**: will ya let me win this time?

**kanda_not_yuu**: ...I'm not discussing that with you HERE you IDIOT.

**thebookthief**: wut. THEY'RE ALL BUSY MAKING MUFFINS N CRAP

**thebookthief**: wait. hold on.

**thebookthief**: ASLKDJFAAKDLAGLJK UCX0O09O384793620RJLWRHJ;A

**thebookthief**: oopsy.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ................

**thebookthief**: y-yuu-chan just tried humping the keyboard

**kanda_not_yuu**: .....what

**kanda_not_yuu**: I don't CARE.

**thebookthief**: i think he's going through that humping phase

**thebookthief**: ... are YOU going through that humping phase, yuu?

**kanda_not_yuu**: Lavi, I don't want to know

**kanda_not_yuu**: .............WHAT TH-- NO

**kanda_not_yuu**: I'll smack you the next time I see you.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Don't compare me to your moronic CAT

**thebookthief**: i shoulda asked you not to

**thebookthief**: oh woe is me

**kanda_not_yuu**: Tch.

**thebookthief**: oh silly yuu

**thebookthief**: so. ARE YA COMIN OVER OR WUT.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Don't call me that.

**kanda_not_yuu**: And FINE. Stop nagging.

**thebookthief**: YAYAYAYAY

**thebookthief**: fyi, tho, daisya's visiting from college

**kanda_not_yuu**: ......

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(5:16 PM)

&

[Saturday]

**kanda_not_yuu is available** (9:30 AM)

**kanda_not_yuu**: What are _you_ doing up so early?

**thebookthief**: say wut?

**kanda_not_yuu**: what I said.

**thebookthief**: lugluglug hangover. hang on.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ... wtf is wrong with you.

**thebookthief**: what I said.

**kanda_not_yuu**: Lavi.

**thebookthief**: hey.

**thebookthief**: lesgo into the woods. come pick me up in your sexay mustang, o gorgy one.

**kanda_not_yuu**: I don't drive that fucking mustang. You know that.

**thebookthief**: then come pick me up in your gorgy junker.

**thebookthief**: ... yuu? uh

**kanda_not_yuu**: wat.

**kanda_not_yuu**: stfu. I know. I'm coming now.

**thebookthief**: o RLY.

**kanda_not_yuu**: ....

**thebookthief**: let's talk names again on the way over there, kay?

**kanda_not_yuu**: .... SIT TIGHT SO I CAN STAB YOU THROUGH WHEN I GET THERE.

**thebookthief**: OH WAIT WAIT I KNOW STABYUUTHROUGH :DDDDD?

**kanda_not_yuu is offline **(9:46 AM)


End file.
